For All Nails #84a: Surprise!
Berlin, Kingdom of Prussia, German Empire
28 June 1974
It wasn't easy to surprise Adolph Markstein, but he was definitely surprised
when he saw the Clouseau Report.
"A Frenchman produced this?" he said in wonder. "You're quite sure? A
"So Fraulein Fanchon assures me," said General Eric von Gellmann. He and
Markstein were in the cabinet room with Michael Schroder, Joshua Merkel and
Hans Steiner. As there was only one copy of the Clouseau Report, Markstein
was leafing through it while the other three men observed from behind him.
Having already read the report himself, Gellmann was seated at the table to
"Extraordinary," said Markstein, still leafing through the report.
"Minister Clouseau is an extraordinary man," Gellmann assured him. "His
methods are rather unorthodox, but in the last twenty months he has managed
to transform the National Police from the comically corrupt organization it
was then to the professional force you see described within the report. I
have no idea where Fraulein Fanchon found him, but she has a talent for
discovering and employing very competent people."
"Her great-grandfather had a similar talent," Schroder observed.
"Unfortunately for him, it was not combined with any common sense."
"And now she wants us to withdraw the Schupos  from France," said
"That's right," said Gellmann. He was half expecting Steiner to speak up
against the notion, but the bulky Interior Minister seemed captivated by the
The Chancellor apparently noticed it too, because he said, "How about it,
After a few moments' pause, Steiner said, "From a strictly functional
standpoint, there is much to be said for the idea. There is plenty of work
for the Schupos right here in the Empire, and it is clear that they have
become superfluous in France. One could even argue that the Kripos  too
are now unnecessary in France, and may be reassigned elsewhere. However..."
"However," Merkel took up the thought, "the Imperial Police presence in
France is not simply a functional one. They also serve a symbolic purpose,
reminding the French that their nation lies within the Imperial sphere of
influence. If we withdraw them, that too will have symbolic overtones,
potentially unwelcome ones."
Markstein suddenly looked up from the report to catch Gellmann's eye. "What
do you think of the idea, Eric?"
Gellmann had to suppress a shiver of fear. He had never quite managed to
overcome the feeling that Markstein might produce a butcher's knife from
nowhere and attack him like some masked maniac in a Mexican horror film. He
managed to cover up his momentary panic attack by pretending to mull over
"If the German police presence if France were our only symbolic hold on the
country," Gellmann said at last, "I would be more concerned over their
withdrawal. However, as long as we have the Channel Force  in place, and
especially the Siegfrieds  and the bomber squadrons, I think we needn't be
concerned about losing the police. I am also confident that Fraulein Fanchon
will not become giddy at the prospect and begin acting with undue
"Not to mention," Schroder added, "Angela's  reaction if she found out
that we were keeping five thousand policemen stationed in France for the sake
of mere prestige."
That comment drew withering stares from Frau Bitterlich's two cabinet
colleagues and a roll of the eyes from Markstein. The Chancellor said, "Then
we're all in agreement? Acceptance in principle, and details of the
withdrawal of the Schupos to be worked out by Hans's people. Eric, you get
to be the bearer of good news when you go back to Paris on Monday. And I
really need to make room for some more coffee before I meet with King
Frederick. If you all will excuse me?"
Gellmann had been hoping to use the washroom himself right after the meeting,
but rank hath its priveleges. He remained seated while Markstein disappeared
through the door. He was brought to his feet by an explosion of breaking
glass and the unmistakable sound of a human body hitting the ground.
Dashing into the washroom, Gellmann had just enough time to take in the sight
of the Chancellor lying in a spreading pool of blood before he felt a
hammerblow strike his own leg. As he pitched over onto the floor, Gellmann
heard the echo of a rifle shot enter from beyond the shattered window. A
Mauser SLG 66, his mind noted just before he blacked out.
 The Imperial Police. Schupo is a contraction of Schutzpolizei (as noted
in FAN #34).
 The Criminal Police.
 An idiomatic translation of /Aermelkorps/ or Sleeveforce, a permanent
garrison of three army divisions stationed in Flanders, Normany and Brittany
to guard against invasion by the British.
 Short range atomic missiles.
 Angela Bitterlich, formerly Minister of Commerce and Consumer Affairs,
now Minister of Finance.